Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Fantasies

Today was pretty good until work time. I wasn't late waking up and I had a pretty good breakfast. Then I went to Japanese and was spazzing a bit over our upcomming test (mainly because I'll have to study extra hard on top of writing a paper for English). Then Nutrition went well because, though I don't pay a lick of attention in class, or do the readings, I still felt very confident in my answers. Then I went to the library and spent my extra free 45 minutes reading. It seems as though right after I finished reading and went through the aggravation of my eyes not wanting to focus, my mood bottomed out.

It had nothing to do with the subject of the book (Memoirs of a Geisha), or anything else it seemed. After chatting with Karen and Timothy, I made my way to the back office. I was greated by an excited (but not *happy*) Jacci who wanted me to clock in so she could rant. After the gernal hustle and bustle of first getting to work, I settled down to work on Blue Sheets (our way of checking attendence) and then my mood dropped again. This time it was different though, instead of just kinda mopey, my head felt really heavy and I really, really wanted to cry.

This all seemed to be for no reason. It wasn't until dinner that a thought occured to me: Fairy Tales aren't real.

Ok, yes...this sounds realy really dumb...but it's what popped into my head. I realized that I've been virtually drowning myself lately in stories about knights and princes (and the occasional chairman), who rescue a Princess from whatever. Even in The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Granted she's forced into a few years of sexual slavery, it's all in her best interest as a world leader (it's an interesting concept), and she *is* rescued in many ways, both from the curse and from herself.

My head has been full of this kind of stuff (aside from the sexual slavery thing) since I was little, which is normal for little girls. But I've never seemed to have accepted the fact that these things can't happen in real life. I will never have a prince or knight save me from anything. I'll have to do that myself. I will never have a strong man sweep me up into his arms and carry me for any distance. I'd be lucky if he could even let me lean on him with a sprained ankel.

And thinking thus, my mood has not improved. I'm going to log off the internets (all of them), and work on my English homeworks.

3 comments:

Chuwah said...

Hi Jess,
I'm sorry your day hasn't been that well. I hate fairy tales, especially Disney fairy tales. It's nice but the truth, as you pointed out, really does suck. Don't be sad! (v_v) I hope you feel better soon!

Marlewen said...

*whines* All I wanted was a muscley armed man to carry me around, was that so much to ask?!

XD

Jacci said...

you know its sucks to be in a funk when you realize things like that and then you realize that your whole childhood was a lie a horrible lie, filled with such things like a dog you thought was still alive and had gone to live with a new family in a different state and thats why you could not go and visit them only to find out 16 years later that she had died... oh wait that was me...but um if you would play alone then you could have TWO really skinny guys to lean on...