Sunday, April 03, 2005

Spirit related ramblings.

After reading this, you have every right to think mommy should commit me. And sometimes I'm sure she'd agree.

For those who don't know, since about the time I was fifteen, I've pretty much KNOWN that in my past life (if not my FIRST life), I was a dragon. A big, purple, Earth element dragon. You now have permission to laugh. It does happen to be something I take seriously, but not like to the point that I'm all "Kill humans for hey killed my kind!" Believe it or not, there are lots of Draconics (don't blame me if the link doesn't take you to the right place), who think humans suck because psycologically they can't accept that that is what they are in this life. I have accepted it and moved on, and even though I don't think humans are the best species in the world, I don't want them to die in mass genocide. ANYWAY, the reason I bring this up is that lately I haven't felt like I'm anything. My spirit guid (the one I've seen since I was like 5) has basically been chased off. There's a long story behind it all that I don't feel like telling right now, but I had to make a choice, he accepted it, and he left. I've been having a lot of nightmares since he left. I suppose I wasn't quite strong enough to take on the demons myself...but my wolf is dealing (and yah, I have spiritual skitzophrenia, my soul is both dragon and wolf at the same time). This recent emptiness is different, however. Whenever the DORK boy (my boyfriend), talks about his dragon and what he looked like and how he acted and stuff...I want to scream at him to shoosh and cry because I cant' seem to remember any of this before. I used to remember exactly what she looked like and her personality, other dragons she knew. Now all I can remember is her color, she had a jewel in her forehead...and that's about it. I told all of this to Kevin last night because I've been groucy and mopey all week. He went onto a whole schpeal about how one can't change who they were and that I shouldn't doubt. He also said "I KNOW that I'm a dragon...and dragons know they're own kind. You feel like a dragon. Therefore, you are. And more importantly you're my dragon." I then began to bawl my little eyes out like the girl that I am. He can be terribly sweet when he wants to. I don't neciscarily feel any better today...something is still wrong. I just don't really know what it is.

Ah well...for now I shall chock it up to hormones.

1 comment:

Romani Heart said...

Yes you do..you know. Give it time, things will become clearer. I know cuz I'm the all knowing mommy :)